I’m sure a lot of women out there are like me and when you get mad, you get quiet. You shrug your shoulders or respond to a text with “K” (if I say “K” and not “Okay,” you know I’m beyond mad). But there are times when silence in a marriage is actually a really good tool.
I talk a lot, but Dominic is definitely on the quiet side. I talk all about how to overcome this in my post How to Communicate With a Quiet Husband. To explain this perfectly, you just have to look at the lyrics for the song Dominic chose for our first dance song for our wedding, When You Say Nothing At All by Allison Krauss:
It’s amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I could never explain what I hear when you don’t say a thingThe smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There’s a truth in your eyes saying you’ll never leave me
A touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall
Now you say it best when you say nothing at all
One of the best ways I find to reflect on what we might be able to do better on in our relationship and think about what I see and want for our future is by just being with Dominic and having that silence. By being together and having the silence, it brings on a whole other level of reflection and intimacy than if I was by myself. His physical presence brings me so much peace, that I am able to reflect and get a deeper understanding of our relationship.
Just like with the reflection, being physically close to my husband and reveling in the silence gives me the time to think about how thankful I am for him. He truly makes me a better woman, and I don’t know how I got lucky enough to have him as my husband. Being able to sit with him, in peaceful quiet, I can fully take in and focus on that appreciation. Which in turn helps create a strong foundation for our relationship and renews the love I have for him.
This might be getting a little too deep than what Dom would share or what my mom wants to read (sorry, mom), but when there are no words, when it is quiet, there isn’t much else to focus on other than the physicality of actually being together. This creates an insane amount of intimacy that you just cannot get any other way. And no I am not talking about sex, there is so much more to intimacy than intercourse…I mean it might lead there….but that isn’t the point of this reason (sexual intimacy is a whole other post that maybe one day Dom will be okay with me writing about….). Anyway, being able to physically be close to Dom makes it so I feel closer to him in every other aspect of our relationship. Especially since with having kids and being so busy, I sometimes feel like we never see each other.
There are so many different ways to have silent time together, just laying together (who doesn’t love to cuddle), going for a walk or a bike ride, taking a bath together, going for a car ride, going some place where there is a nice view, I mean the list is endless. So for once, use silence as a tool in your marriage to bring you closer together, rather than a silent wedge pushing you apart.