Motherhood

July 11, 2018 by themessagemama

How I keep my Family and Home Safe, Healthy, & Clean – Part 1 of 3 | Mommy’s Bliss

The amount of toxins that are in the marketplace of every day items blows my mind. I try very hard to use the cleanest and healthiest products I can for my family, and I am sharing the top 3 companies that I love to help me achieve this.

First up is Mommy’s Bliss!

When SJ was a baby, like most babies, she would get super gassy and just scream. I decided to grab some gripe water, and it helped, but not a lot. Then the next time I went to good ol’ Target, I got Mommy’s Bliss Gripe Water and it was a game changer! I swear this stuff is magic, even my baby-sitter said the same thing when we gave some to AJ. I couldn’t believe how well it all worked. So I started looking at their other products as well.

Since SJ had a bit of a run in with some constipation issues after we started solids with her at 6 months, I decided to try their product Constipation Ease, and it worked like a dream. Around this time is when they came out with their Powder Probiotic, and let me tell you, SJ is like a totally different kid after starting it! Here are just a few of the things I noticed after starting her on the powder probiotic once a day in her morning milk.

No more constipation and VERY regular
Started sleeping better at night and at naps
Doesn’t get sick as often

These were all huge for us. Not having her upset and in pain because of constipation made my mama heart happy, no one likes to see their baby in pain. And can I get a “HALLELUJAH!” for a baby that actually sleeps! Especially when she was an absolutely terrible sleeper for most of her first year. Then, of course one, of the big things I noticed was that while all the other kids around us were sick pretty much all winter, SJ only had a couple little run-ins with a cold, and their Organic Cough Syrup cleared that right up. I love these probiotics and never want to run out, which is why I have it on auto-ship from Amazon. Total lifesaver.

They also have the probiotic drops and probiotic+vitamin D drops (that I am going to start for AJ) for younger babies. Their other products that we love are the night time gripe water, the gas drops, the organic cough syrup and night time cough syrup, and the vitamin D drops.

This is Mommy’s Bliss story from their website.

Mommy’s Bliss was founded by Roshan Kaderali, a mom and pediatric nurse, midwife and doula who had used Gripe Water to ease infant colic and fussiness for years while working in Scotland. When she moved to the U.S., she was astonished that the “magical” Gripe Water formula she relied on wasn’t available here. So she set out to create the first all-natural Gripe Water in America and Mommy’s Bliss was born. As our company has grown, our mission hasn’t changed: help moms everywhere bond with their babies by creating effective, trusted products that incorporate the wisest ingredients from around the world.

They use real, natural, organic ingredients that I know I can trust. You can see all their products here.

July 3, 2018 by themessagemama

SJ’s Two Sweet Ice Cream Birthday Party

It’s bitter sweet that SJ is 2!! I love watching her grow up, learn new skills, and come into her own little personality, but it makes me sad just how fast it is going and I want to savor every last bit of her childhood. I already got a taste of her growing attitude this week when she got mad at me, went to her room, slammed the door, and cried. Like what?! You are 2 not 16. But all it took was a snack and she liked me again. She amazes me every single day, and I thank God all the time that I have a healthy little girl, attitude and all.

I love planning the girls’ birthday parties! I started planning SJ’s 1st birthday when I got put on bedrest at 27 weeks. Yes, I am definitely that mom. You would think I would learn by now though to hire a photographer for their parties (since, ya know, I get hired to photograph other’s parties), because I did not get near as many photos as I wanted and the quality wasn’t even that great on them because my mind was 5 million places and I wasn’t even focusing on the photos. So my tip, hire a photographer! It will be worth it. And if you’re local you can always hire me 😉

Now that I got my shameless plug in for my photography (#sorrynotsorry), back to the party. Even with the hiccups that day, like the torrential downpour that started right as everyone was arriving that pushed us into our not so photogenic, hot and humid garage, it was still a great party. SJ had the best time ever playing in the rain with her cousins and friends, she got some amazing presents, and had the most delicious cake and cookies I have ever had in my life that I ordered 8 months ago because she books up so fast! And yes I already have my name down for both girls’ parties next year. So good!

Another tip, sit down before hand and make a to-do list of every single thing you can think of. Because I was completely behind getting everything put together thanks to my mom brain, and AJ was cluster feeding all morning, so I still forgot stuff. Even though my husband, in-laws, mom, and my best friend completely saved my butt coming over and helping. I don’t know what I would do without them! I still forgot to put out the two cans of whip cream for the ice cream bar…but now I have two cans of whip cream all to myself. I’m not that disappointed…

But anyways, I got a few photos, even though the lighting is a little weird because I didn’t want to put my flash on my camera. I am so happy I got some photos of her last week in her party dress though!

Side note: in the last photo of our family, AJ looks like she is trying to devise a plan to get to the cookies, which is a real possibility with those chubby cheeks of hers.

June 19, 2018 by themessagemama

Handling Pregnancy and Postpartum Skin

Hormones do some crazy things to your body! Especially your skin. When I was pregnant, both times, my skin looked like I was a teenager again. Then with AJ, I even ended up with pregnancy eczema on my face which is beyond annoying. It was embarrassing, hard to deal with, and made me extremely self conscious.

When I was pregnant with SJ, I pretty much stopped using a lot of my skin care products because I just didn’t know if they were safe and wasn’t willing to take any risk. My skin was absolutely awful! Then after I had her, it was even worse. And I was nursing, so I still didn’t want to risk using any product that may not be safe. Then shortly before I got pregnant with AJ, I was introduced to Beautycounter. I was completely blown away by the company’s mission as well as their products. They are working to revolutionize the beauty industry and make it SAFE!

“The United States has not passed a major federal law to regulate the safety of ingredients used in personal care products since 1938. There are more than 80,000 chemicals on the market today, many with no safety data whatsoever. This is particularly true of those used in the skin care and beauty industry.”

Beautycounter

That is scary! So I bought a bunch of the products and loved all of them. My three favorite products were the charcoal cleansing bar, the charcoal cleansing mask, and the nourishing day cream. My skin was absolutely glowing! Those postpartum hormones after SJ didn’t stand a chance. Then my body laughed at me when I got pregnant with AJ and gave me a whole new set of skin problems. But thanks to these amazing and safe products, I was able to keep the eczema at bay and keep my blemishes pretty much gone (when I actually kept up on my skin care and wasn’t lying on my bathroom floor all day). I added the balancing facial oil in with the nourishing day cream in the morning, and then applied it directly to the problem spots at night after using the cleansing balm as a night time facial mask. In addition to using the charcoal cleansing bar every other day in the shower and the charcoal cleansing mask a couple times a week, my skin was amazing! I was able to keep all those awful pregnancy skin problems under control and it was one less thing I had to worry about. I wish I would have taken before and after photos!

After having AJ, my skin is even better. I no longer have to worry about the eczema which makes things a little easier. But I still use the charcoal cleansing bar, balancing facial oil and nourishing day cream regularly, and I added in the nourishing cream exfoliator a few times a week. So not only is my skin amazing now, I know I am using safe products for myself and my girls, which makes this mama very happy!

Beautycounter has so many amazing products (including a kids line!) that is safe for the whole family! You can see more here and shop with Anne who is a kind and passionate cosmetologist and salon owner that led her to become a Beautycounter consultant! I cannot wait to introduce you more to Anne and share all the amazing qualities of Beautycounter and their products!

*This post contains affiliate links. Please read my disclaimer here.

June 12, 2018 by themessagemama

My Journey with Postpartum Depression and Letter to Other Mamas

This might be one of the hardest posts I have had to write yet, but it is one that I NEED to write, especially right now with the spotlight on depression and mental illnesses. So here we go…

I have post postpartum depression.

I am one of the lucky ones, though. I never felt like I wanted to hurt myself or my girls, I was able to admit I needed help, and I was able to take care of it before I got to an extreme low. The weird part is, I was fine after I had AJ. When I said I was rocking this 2 under 2 thing in my post about adjusting to life with 2 under 2, I meant it. I was doing awesome! Then things started to change around 4-5 weeks. Even at my 6 week appointment after filling out the PPD evaluation sheet they give you, my midwife mentioned I scored a little high and I needed to keep an eye on it. But I thought I was handling it okay and it would go away. But it just got worse…

I was extremely overwhelmed, I always wanted to cry, I felt like a complete failure as a mom and a wife, and I had no motivation to do anything. DJ would get home from work, and I would immediately leave and find some errand I had to run because I needed to get away. Even just a couple hours with the girls became completely overwhelming. I was snapping at SJ for the smallest things, and we usually both ended up in tears. That’s not the mom I am, but that was the mom I was being.

I knew I had PPD in my head, but I couldn’t admit it out loud. Even though I am such an advocate for getting help if something is wrong, I thought I could handle it on my own. Luckily, one of my friends who experienced PPD picked up on everything I was saying and encouraged me to get help. This is why if you believe a friend might be suffering from PPD or any other mental illness, ask them! My friend straight up asked me, “Do you think you have postpartum depression?” Even someone you think would be able to admit it probably won’t be able to. I couldn’t.

But then I had a breaking point where I cried all day. I couldn’t stop, I have never felt that awful, even though I knew everything was fine, and there was nothing to be upset about, my mind created these awful problems in my head. My mind told me that everything was terrible, that I was terrible, that I was the cause of every problem, even though I knew that wasn’t true. I felt like a prisoner in my own body because I couldn’t control anything. That is why telling someone with depression or anxiety to “just focus on the good” or “get over it” doesn’t work. Because if I could, I would have. No one wants to feel that way.

The first step I had to take was admitting out loud to DJ that I knew I had PPD. Even though it was talked about in a round about way, I needed to actually say, “I have postpartum depression.” I messaged my cousin who works with an OB and asked if she knew of any good counselors in the are that could help. But she told me that the doctor she works for said with PPD, since it is hormonal and usually more short term, medicines tend to work better. The next day I called my doctors office and made an appointment. I’m surprised when I told them why I needed to make the appointment they could even understand me I said it so fast and quiet. So even though I wanted to just hang up, I made the appointment. Then I went to the appointment. Then I sat in the exam room. And then I thought to myself, “I’m fine I should just leave and tell them I was wrong and I’m fine.” I wanted to run out of that room. Then my midwife walked in and asked in the sweetest way what all was going on and I just started crying. She agreed that I had some PPD going on and asked if I wanted to start a low dose of Lexapro, and I said yes.

They say it takes about a week to start feeling better on this medicine, but the next day I felt like a brand new person. I felt like ME! Not only me, but the me I WANTED to be. Happy. Laid back. Motivated. I could smile at every little thing the girls did. I was being the mom I wanted to be. The crazy part is, SJ was beyond well behaved those first few days I was on the medicine. It was like she had been feeding off of my bad energy. DJ came home and asked how I was and I just smiled. I hadn’t been able to smile like that in weeks.

I have the misfortune of knowing just how detrimental depression and mental illnesses can be. My grandfather committed suicide when my mom was 7 and I have many other family members that have suffered from mental illnesses. Most recently though, my step-dad came out to tell that he suffers from PTSD. He is a police officer and he was beyond fearless in not only admitting this and getting help, but helping others in law enforcement going through the same situation admit and get help. If he could do this, then I sure as heck should be able to. Ever since he got the help he needed, he is a completely different person! It just goes to show that getting the help you need can be hard, but oh so worth it in the end. Or rather, a new beginning.

If you think you might be suffering from PPD, please call your doctor. Talk to your spouse, a friend, a therapist, you don’t have to do it alone.

If you feel like you want to hurt yourself or others, please call your doctor immediately. You can always call the suicide lifeline in addition to calling your doctor, 1-800-273-8255.

Now, my letter to the other mamas out there who are struggling with PPD…

Dear Mama,

Right now you feel alone, but you aren’t. There are millions of other women going through exactly what you are going through. But don’t worry, you won’t be lost in the sea of today’s problems, I see you. I see you struggling, I see you wishing to be a better mom, I see you wanting to do better for your husband, I see you wondering what in the world is going on in your head. It is okay. It is okay to be sad, upset, angry. But it is not okay to hide it in fear of what others will think. You come first, put yourself first. You are stronger than you believe and you can get the help you need. Get the help you need so you can be the mom you want to be, be the loving wife, and be able to control the thoughts in your head. You will smile again, you will feel self love again, you will feel strength again. If you don’t have the courage right now to get the help , then take some of my courage, because I believe in you.

Love, LJ

June 5, 2018 by themessagemama

Why I Let Being a Mother and Wife Define Me

My favorite thing to do when I was younger was play house. I absolutely loved dolls and pretending I was a mom, and I dreamed of being able to be a wife to my prince charming. If there was a baby at any get together, you knew where to find me. I watched cheesy romance movies all the time and filled my head with daydreams of my own romance. Being a mom and a wife is what I always wanted above any career path, it is what I was made for.

“Perhaps this is the moment for which you were created.”

Esther 4:14

Which is why I let that be who I am. Of course I have other “jobs,” I am a photographer and I am a blogger, but those don’t define who I truly am. I love being those, but they don’t make me feel complete the way being DJ’s wife does, or being SJ and AJ’s mom does.

Because being a photographer and a blogger doesn’t make me be a better mom and wife, being a mom and wife makes me a better photographer and blogger…and daughter, and aunt, and friend, and Christian, and pretty much any other role in my life.

“How hard it is to find a capable wife! She is worth far more than jewels! Her husband puts his confidence in her, and he will never be poor. As long as she lives, she does him good and never harm.”

Proverbs 31: 10 – 12

I am lucky enough to have a husband that supports me in every aspect of my life, if it wasn’t for him I honestly don’t know where I would be in my life, but I don’t think I would like it. If being his wife makes me a better person, why would I not want that to define me?! Why would I not want one of the best aspects of my life to be one of the core parts of who I am? Being a good wife and embracing it fully gives me purpose and reminds me that I am “worth far more than jewels.”

I have had major confidence issues throughout my life. I never felt good enough for anyone, I never fit in anywhere, I didn’t ever have a best friend or a close group of friends, I never excelled at anything in particular, which gave me the confidence issues I still fight with today. But what battles those demons is my marriage and embracing the knowledge that God put me here to be a wife and a mom. I have confidence now because DJ has confidence in me. I am not ashamed to admit that I need him. Because through him I have been able to realize that I am strong, and I can do anything. I have my own business as a photographer, I am not afraid to set my heart on a goal and go for it, and yes I know I could do all of this alone, but I can do it better with him by my side.

“She is strong and respected and not afraid of the future. She speaks with a gentle wisdom. She is always busy and looks after her family’s needs. Her children show their appreciation, and her husband praises her. He says, ‘Many women are good wives, but you are the best of them all.’ Charm is deceptive and beauty disappears, but a woman who honors the LORD should be praised. Give her credit for all she does. She deserves the respect of everyone.”

Proverbs 31: 25 – 32

As I said, I never really fit in anywhere growing up. Then I started dating DJ and I began to feel complete. It’s cliche, but I truly believe in soul mates. That God has someone out there that will make up what your soul is missing and make you feel whole. Just like Genesis 2:24 says:

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his wife, and they become one.”

Marriage literally made us become one. DJ is a part of me, which makes being his wife ME, it is who I am.

My little family brings me a joy I didn’t know was possible. DJ always makes me smile and knows how to make me feel better, and our girls bring me happiness in the smallest moments. Like seeing AJ being able to actually see the world around her finally and how she stares in naive amazement. Or how even when I’m getting frustrated, SJ will come hug me and it makes everything fade away. There is nothing more pure than a child’s love.

“Let your father and mother be proud of you; give your mother that happiness.”

Proverbs 23:25

I can’t even explain the happiness my girls bring me, it is overwhelming. So of course something that brings me that much joy will be the definition of who I am.

I am a mom. I am a wife. These two parts make me whole, they make me be a better person, they bring me overwhelming happiness, they are the driving force as to why I work hard at every other aspect of my life. I was made for these roles by God, and I intend to follow his lead in letting them be the definition of me.

May 31, 2018 by themessagemama

Turning Off “Mom and Dad” and Becoming a Couple Again

Sorry this didn’t get out yesterday! I’ve been dealing with some personal issues that I’ll be sharing about here soon. But for now, I’ll be sharing a guest blog post I did a few weeks ago for the You Are Worthy Lifestyle Blog. It’s all about remembering that DJ and I are MORE than just “Mom and Dad,” we are also husband and wife, and it is how we we are doing that.

I love this blog, so I needed to share it, and you can find it here.

May 16, 2018 by themessagemama

3 Tips For Adjusting to Life with Two Under Two

In the months leading up to having AJ, this freaked me out the most. There were days I could barely handle SJ, and throwing a newborn into the mix would give me anxiety. Everything I did, I would think about what I would do different when AJ came: nap time, shopping, cooking supper, just playing with SJ. I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

Now that AJ is here, I’ve had a few rough days, but I have surprised myself and not to brag, but I’m kinda rocking this 2 under 2 thing. Well, most days. I’ve still had a small melt down here and there. A big part of me being able to figure out what works best for us was being able to have DJ home the first 2 weeks.We did lots of outings to go grocery shopping, to Target, Menards, lunch, and doctor appointments, it all gave me an idea of what to expect when I go out on my own with the girls. But there are 3 things that have helped me keep my sanity.

1. Baby Wearing

Straight life saver right here! I wore SJ whenever I went grocery shopping and occasionally around the house when she was fussy and I needed to get things done. But with a crazy toddler, wearing AJ has become a complete necessity. I of course wear her when we go grocery shopping and around the house, but the time I wear her the most is when playing with SJ outside. AJ stays asleep and my hands are free to push SJ in the swing, play with her in the sandbox, and help her down the slide. And with AJ being so small, I can still hold SJ on my hip while baby wearing. I personally love my wrap from Happy Baby! It only took me a couple tries while watching their tutorial to get it wrapped, now it’s second nature to put it on. I also mentioned this wrap on my post about which items I couldn’t live without during SJ’s first year.

2. Keeping a Schedule

Some kids do better without a schedule, but mine definitely do not! Figuring out what routine worked best for us and sticking to it helps immensely, not only me, but it helps SJ too. This is what our usual schedule looks like.

6:30/7- Wake up, SJ gets a sippy of milk, she cuddles with me while watching cartoons and I nurse AJ

7:30- Attempt to get SJ to eat breakfast, but she usually ends up eating half my oatmeal

8/8:30- Get ready, or just play, depending what is going on that day

9:00/9:30- leave to do errands/go outside/SJ does an inside activity while I nurse AJ to sleep then do a little housework

11:00-Make sure to be home from errands and start getting lunch ready

11:30- SJ eats lunch (meaning she feeds the dogs whatever I made her for lunch)

12:00- Get SJ ready for nap time, she watches a movie with a sippy of milk and I put AJ down for a nap

12:30- Rock and read books with SJ for nap time

1-3- Work/do housework/pump. SJ usually naps 2-3 hours. AJ sometimes will take a solid nap, other times I have to get her back to sleep a couple times.

3:30/4- DJ gets home and one of us will make supper while the other watches the girls. DJ usually takes SJ outside to do some work while I get supper ready.

5:00/5:30- Eat supper

6:30- Bathtime then SJ will settle down with a movie

7:30-SJ goes to bed

8:00- I nurse AJ and swaddle her for bed time

Now don’t be deceived, our day usually doesn’t go quite this well, but is how it is generally structured. There are also days, like when someone has a doctor appointment, that the entire schedule gets thrown off. Also, 2 days a week DJ’s mom takes SJ so I can work, and this summer (so his parents can enjoy their summer a little more) I am having a sitter come to watch the girls 2 days a week so I can work.

3. Just RELAX

I was getting too caught up in trying to keep everything perfect and I ended up having a day where I was starting to worry about Postpartum Depression (please, if you have any suspicion that you may be suffering from PPD, talk to your spouse, friend, doctor, someone that can help you). Luckily in my case, I just needed to relax a little. Enjoy the small moments, plan ahead a little more, ask for help, and know that a sink of dirty dishes does not mean I am a terrible mom. It’s easier said than done, and I am still working on it, but I am getting there and realized I have to just go with the flow some days.

As hard as some days might be, I am truly living my dream. An amazing husband who helps me whenever I need it (and when I don’t think I need it), two gorgeous girls that make me feel a love I didn’t know was possible, a beautiful home, amazing family, a God that loves me more than I could ever understand, and my dream jobs – stay at home mom, wife, photographer, and blogger. That’s what I need to remember on those days when I think I’m crazy for having 2 under 2.

*Photos by Jenine Proffitt Photography

April 27, 2018 by themessagemama

Introducing Auden Jacquelyn | Our Birth Story

* This post contains images some may find graphic.

This post was supposed to go live Wednesday, when I usually do my posts, but I thought Elena’s guest blog post for National Infertility Awareness Week needed to be published first. So two posts in one week to catch up I guess! I had planned on having blogs ready to go and scheduled out for when I had AJ, was recovering, and as I got used to handling 2 under 2. But….that obviously didn’t happen. Especially since AJ came a little over 2 weeks early. I told everyone she was going to come early because SJ was 2 weeks early. Yet, for some reason I still thought I had all the time in the world. It is somewhat odd though because my labor was creepy similar to my labor with SJ. Down to the very minute my water broke!

With SJ, I got out of bed to get ready for a doctor appointment and my water broke at 7:20 AM. With AJ, my water had been leaking all night so I called my office first thing in the morning and they told me to go to the hospital. Luckily, DJ was home because – just like with SJ – I was supposed to have a doctor appointment. So, I got out of bed to go get ready, and at wait for it…7:20 AM my water completely broke with AJ! Yeah, weird. And add another strange factor, SJ was born on June 29th, and AJ was born on March 29th. I also got to watch the Cubs game during both labors. And for the record, they won both times – Go Cubs Go!

Well anyways, my mom started to head over to stay with SJ and we started trying to get everything together. Unlike with SJ though…I was actually having contractions after my water broke. This had me a little freaked out, because the hospital is an hour away and I really didn’t want to deliver in the car. Fast forward, we made it to the hospital. I got out of the car, DJ went to park, and as I was walking to the door my water broke even more and I started having a contraction. So there I am, by myself, gripping the railing, soaking wet pants, bent over, and getting some REALLY strange looks. Some people asked if I was okay and my response, “Yup, I’m just in labor and my water just broke all over, no big deal I’m good.” Thankfully, this super nice lady went and grabbed a wheel chair and waited with me until DJ could get back.

We got up to L&D, got into triage, they checked me and I was only dilated to a 3! This was at around 9:30 that morning. I wanted to avoid Pitocin at all costs. With SJ, they only let me labor on my own for 3 hours until they started it, and it was a horrible experience. It was painful, and long, and I didn’t know that I could have said no and asked what else I could do. Luckily, this time the midwife that was on call from the practice I go to was all about helping me progress labor without meds. And I tried everything! I bounced on an exercise ball, I took a warm and relaxing shower, I did lunges back and forth, I did squats against the cabinet, DJ and I walked laps around the L&D floor, I laid with a peanut ball in the most awkward position, I used the breast pump and I think scarred the med student that walked in while I was pumping (his eyes got huge and I thought he was going to run into the wall he turned around so fast), my midwife stripped my membranes which was completely awful, I felt like we were trying everything. They checked me again around 4:00 and I was still dilated to a 3…so we started Pitocin around 4:30.

Contractions on Pitocin are awful. They are stronger and closer. I also was recovering from, what we now know was, Influenza B. So I had an absolutely horrid cough and chest congestion that just made contractions hurt that much worse. This time though, I was prepared. With SJ I made the mistake of getting back into bed, but I just kept moving this time. I also had a plan to get through contractions: keep my hands relaxed and go to my happy place. I had two happy places that got me through these contractions.

In the last few weeks of my pregnancy I went a couple times a week and floated in an epsom salt float tank to help with pelvic and back pain. While I floated, I played a hypnobirthing soundtrack through the bluetooth speakers in the tank. Then, when I was in labor, I played the soundtrack on my phone and every time I had a contraction I would close my eyes and tell myself “go back to the water” and went back to that float tank in my head. I could feel the body temperature water, see the white-blue light in the water, feel the pool noodles supporting my pregnant belly, and just relaxed. My other happy place was cuddling SJ. But, I also would start missing her more and more when I did that. It helped that my awesome birth photographer was rubbing my back and would put pressure on my hips during contractions, she was AMAZING! I also prayed. A lot. I prayed for AJ, I prayed for SJ, I prayed for the pain to go away, I prayed for labor to start progressing, I thanked God for this chance. I just let him surround me and felt a peace like no other. And he answered my prayers.

I also have to give a huge shout out to DJ. Other than running to grab lunch, he was by my side the entire time. He did whatever I needed and he was my strong and quiet rock even though I’m sure he was freaking out inside. I wouldn’t have been able to get through this without him.

After 3 hours, they checked me again. Now by this time the contractions were making me yell (and I scared off another med student who thought it was a good idea to introduce himself while I was having these contractions, he also turned around and walked out when I started having a contraction and yelling…whoops, sorry dude). Guess what I was dilated to at this point…a 4. I thought I was almost complete, and I was only dilated one more centimeter than when I was admitted 10 hours prior. I said something to the nurse after she checked me that included words I don’t use…and then I reluctantly asked for the IV pain medicine. Which doesn’t exactly take away the pain, but it relaxed me enough that I could rest. It was like having a glass or two too much of wine. It kicked in within minutes of getting it, I just sat back, closed my eyes, and said “Alleluia.” It was fantastic.

I figured it was going to be hours before I would be able to start pushing, and I needed rest. So I laid in bed with the peanut ball and closed my eyes. About an hour and a half after getting the medicine I thought to myself “I could sleep between these contractions.” Then about a minute later I was thinking that the medicine was wearing off, and then yelling that I needed to push. The same thing happened with SJ! 10 minutes after saying I needed to push, I had my baby girl in my arms. Auden Jacquelyn was born at 9:16 PM, and she was 7lbs 1 oz, 19 inches long of pure perfection. She was worth every second of the 30 weeks of nausea, the heartburn, the back pain, the anxiety, the 16+ hours of labor, and the immense pain of bringing her into this world. I was looking at her yesterday and thinking that 9 months ago, she was just a little ball of cells, and now she’s this beautiful baby girl. How can someone look at the miracle that is a baby and not believe in an awe-inspiring God? It completely blows my mind how amazing the entire process is. It also blows my mind how much love my heart can hold for my two little girls. Okay, now I want to go cuddle them and not get any more work done!

One of the best decisions I made for this birth was hiring a birth photographer. I don’t have a single photo of me holding SJ right after she was born. Actually, pretty much all I have with her after I had her are selfies in the hospital. I will regret that every single day, and I didn’t want that this time. Brittney was phenomenal not only as a photographer and videographer, but as a support person during labor and delivery. She stayed with me from the time I was in the triage room when I got admitted, until about half an hour after I delivered. She was amazing! You can see her work here!

Then she came the next morning for our Fresh 48 session! Which I was beyond excited for because SJ got to meet her little sister and I finally got to see SJ! That was the longest I have ever been away from her, and that was the first time she had ever been away from both DJ and I. Which was super rough on her. She wouldn’t go to sleep for my mom and then my mom had to wake her up in the morning to get her to the hospital in time for photos. She was a TOTAL crab butt. But, I was still happy to cuddle her and see her look at her little sister and say “Hi Baby.” Made my heart completely melt!

Next week I will share AJ’s newborn photos and talk about how we have been adjusting as a family of four and life with 2 under 2!

February 28, 2018 by themessagemama

5 Ways I’m Taking Myself Out of the Compare Game

Even before social media, before I was old enough to realize what I was doing, I compared myself to everyone. I still compare myself to everyone. Which is probably why I have never had the best self confidence. It doesn’t matter what you do in your life, there is someone else who does the same thing. For me, there are other moms, other wives, other bloggers, other photographers, and all I do is compare myself to them. I look at their social media and wish that I had the time, energy, and money to do all those things with SJ or buy her those cute boutique outfits. I see other bloggers having hundreds of thousand followers with perfect Instagram grids and look at my lack-luster, non-cohesive Instagram and my 197 followers (half robots, half amazing people that I cannot thank enough for following me on this journey). Then I look around and see photographers’ work that looks way better than mine or are doing other things in the photography world to make 6 figure incomes when I am barely getting by. I honestly am crying just thinking about it all right now. That’s what the Compare Game does to me. It breaks me down even though I am writing this post about how I am going to get myself out of it.

Because this is what I should be doing: I should be looking at others social media as inspiration, not competition. I should focus on my obstacles and how to get past them to get to the level I want. I need to remember that everyone has a different situation, is in different circumstances, have been doing these things for different amounts of time, started at completely different levels than me, and most importantly: they aren’t me!

My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action. This, then, is how we will know that we belong to the truth; this is how we will be confident in God’s presence.

-1 John 3: 18 – 19

1. Prayer and Affirmation

This one is pretty obvious. But I need to take it a step further. I am really bad about sticking to things, it is a trait that I wish I didn’t have. But, when I stick to my daily devotional, it keeps me going. It gives me a passion that only God can give me. Not so surprising that after a couple weeks of just not reading it, I read one and got the idea for this blog post and ultimately pushed me into taking back control of my life.

I also decided to type up a daily prayer and daily affirmations to put on my bathroom mirror to read every day. Mine goes like this, but I encourage you to make it your own.

God,

You gave me, and me alone, the spark, the purpose, to be an amazing mom & wife, to share Your word and my life through The Message Mama, and to capture Your beautiful world through my photography. Please help to remind me that You are the one who gave me these purposes, and through you I can be the best mom, wife, blogger, and photographer. Please help me to ignore the distractions, to come up with ideas rather than excuses, and to stay positive when others and myself try to bring negativity into my life. I mercifully ask that you help me to work with a passion that only Your love can bring. Thank You for putting these sparks into my heart, and thank You for helping me fan them into the flames You want to spread Your love.

Amen.

Then after saying that prayer, I repeat these statements of affirmation, to help me believe them, to make them a reality, even if some of them sound silly, self love and affirmation is important.

I am a good & loving wife & mom. I am an amazing and sought-after photographer. I am the best blogger with thousands of followers. I am organized and keep the house clean. I am a hard worker. I am passionate. I don’t speak badly about others. I love God fiercely and share His love with everyone. I am forgiving. I am a friend that is always there. I don’t make excuses. I seek and share God in everything I do. I eat healthy and drink lots of water. I don’t judge others. I don’t compare myself to others. I encourage others. I am not on my phone and social media too much. I play with my kids more than my phone. I don’t need to shop. I know how to say no. I never stop trying to be a better person.

But now you must get rid of all these things: anger, passion, and hateful feelings. No insults or obscene talk must ever come from your lips.

-Colossians 3: 8

2. Plan Better and Write Down My Goals

I don’t know how I ever fell out of this habit. When I was in college, I planned everything. I couldn’t live without my planner! This is one thing I am going to get back in the habit of doing. If I can plan when I can clean, when I can work, yes even when I can relax, then I can get myself to my goals sooner. I absolutely LOVED my Erin Condren planner in college, and I was trying to find a more affordable planner, but I might have to go back to that one!

I also am going to keep my weekly goals in my planner so I can visually see what I need to accomplish that week, to get to my bigger goals.

3. Get an Accountability Partner

Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up. But if someone is alone and falls, it’s just too bad, because there is no one to help him.

-Ecclesiastes 4: 9 – 10

I plan on having a few of these actually, for different things, meaning people in my lives that are part of each area I need accountability in. It is really hard to ask people for help, and even harder to feel like people might judge you for not having something done. But, that’s what an accountability partner is for! I have some people in mind, but I don’t know how to approach it yet. Because it can’t be a “I need you to do this for me.” The word partner is in there for a reason, I need to help them just as much as I need them to help me, which means finding out what we can do for each other.

4. Get Off Social Media

This one is HARD! Social media is part of my job. It’s where I connect with my readers and followers, where I connect with other bloggers, where I communicate with clients, and where I share my content. But I need to focus on keeping it just for that. Social media is where the Compare Game is played. Facebook and Instagram are where I see all the things that bring me down, and I need to remember that social media should only be used as a tool. Right before DJ and I got married, I deleted my Facebook. It was causing problems in my life I didn’t need, and it was amazing to be off of it! Then I had to get back on because I was taking a photography course where I needed to turn in projects to a Facebook group… and the problem started again. I know Facebook is a huge tool in growing my business and my blog, but I need to stop scrolling through it mindlessly. If I get off social media when I don’t need to be, it’s the biggest step to taking myself out of the game.

5. Remind Myself that God put These Sparks into My Heart

Seek your happiness in the LORD, and he will give you your heart’s desire. Give yourself to the LORD; trust in him, and he will help you

-Psalm 37: 4 – 5

I already talked about this in point 1 and at the beginning, but it deserves a point all its own. God put these sparks into my heart to be a mom, wife, blogger, and photographer for a reason. He didn’t put a passion into my heart to be something else, he gave me a passion to be a mom, to be a wife, to blog about my journey through motherhood and marriage and what I am doing to grow my relationship with him, and the feeling I get when I hold my camera comes to me because He gave me that love for photography. I might not have the natural talent that so many have, but I have the passion. I have the spark that He gave me, and that is something no one should be able to take away. When I get caught up in the Compare Game, it gives the enemy the power to slowly put out my spark, and that is not okay! If I repeat my prayer and affirmations every morning, it will remind me who put that spark there, and who can help me be the best I can be.

Don’t let yourself get caught up in the Compare Game. I hope you can join me on the journey of taking yourself out of the game. A journey towards self-love and self-determination. A journey towards being the best that you can be, because He knows you can.

February 20, 2018 by themessagemama

My Hospital Bag Necessities for Baby #2

The last 7 months have gone fast and slow all at the same time. Most likely because this time I’m chasing a toddler around and (so far) don’t have to be stuck in bed. But, I also still have been sick and overall hurting a lot worse this time than I was with SJ, which makes it go a little bit slower. And of course the anticipation of meeting AJ makes it feel like my pregnancy lasts as long as an elephant’s (which is 22 months if you were wondering, and yes I had to Google that). But after everything we went through with SJ, and now that they are watching me nice and closely with AJ, I figured I should really get my hospital bag in order.

I will say I am pretty proud of myself as not much has changed from what I brought the first time around. Which means I did pretty well the first time around – high-five to me! I start by making a list for myself (the longest, go figure), a list for DJ, a list for AJ, and a last minute list that I really can’t get together until right before. And I only use 2 bags! Our middle size rolling luggage for me, DJ, and AJ’s things that has the long term stay items that DJ goes and gets after we have settled into our regular room. Then, I also have a smaller, tote-type bag (I use the Fold-Over Weekender from Thirty-One) that will go into the labor & delivery room with us as soon as we get to the hospital. I tend to over-pack and like to be prepared, but I would rather be over-prepared, especially since we live an hour from the hospital.

My List

3 Pairs of comfy pants and 3 loose, low cut shirts (1 pair of pants and 1 shirt goes into the L&D bag to change into before going to our room)- When I had SJ, I got two nursing friendly night gowns to wear while in the hospital, and while they were great for nursing, they weren’t the most comfortable for me or easiest for the nurses. After you have the baby, the nurses come in and “massage” your stomach and have to look down there to monitor what is coming out, which means every time they came in, I had to try and wrestle my night gown up high enough for them to get access to my stomach and look down yonder. The night gowns were also a pain to hold up while trying to use the restroom and deal with that process, because it is a complete 10 minute process every time you have to go into the bathroom. This way, for the nurses, I can simply lift up my t-shirt, and going to the bathroom will be a little easier. I made sure I got loose, comfy sweatpants that can accommodate my diapers (that’s coming), and loose low cut shirts that are easy to just pull down to nurse in. I have two pairs of pants and shirts for the stay, and one pair of pants and shirt to go home in.
3 Nursing Bras and LOTS of Nursing Pads (1 bra and 1 pair of nursing pads in the L&D bag)- This is one of those things that I really probably only need one, maybe two, bras and a couple pairs of nursing pads, but who knows when my milk will decide to come in full-force and I soak through everything. With SJ, I soaked through everything and I definitely want to be prepared this time. These are the nursing bras I like for in the hospital and sleeping in.
Nursing Hoodie– Since AJ is being born (most likely) in April, it will probably still be a little chilly and I want to wear a hoodie, but nursing in a hoodie is a pain! So I found a couple cute nursing hoodies and am bringing one to wear when we leave. That way I can be dressed and ready before we go, but can still nurse AJ right before we leave. I got this one and this one on Amazon, but make sure to order one to two sizes larger because they run very small. I usually wear medium or large, but because I like them bigger, I ordered an XL for both.
Robe (in the L&D bag)- I am ALWAYS cold, it’s a family trait. A robe will be something I can wear to stay a little warmer, and not have to worry about nursing in while in the room. It will also be great for during labor if I decide to walk the halls or just in the wheelchair ride to our room after AJ is born. It will help keep me all covered up and warm in the halls.
Slippers (in the L&D bag)- It’s nice to have something comfortable to walk in that aren’t the itchy, grippy socks they give you in the hospital. Whether it’s walking the halls, or just getting up to go to the bathroom. I highly suggest slip ons, rather than the ones that you have to pull around the back of your heels because bending over still isn’t easy after the baby comes out, especially if you have to get a c-section.
3 Pairs of Fuzzy Socks– This is a definite personal decision, like I said, I am always cold and I pretty much live in fuzzy socks.
Flip-Flops– because no one wants to go barefoot in hospital showers.
Delivery Gown (in the L&D bag)- this one is completely optional, I decided to splurge a bit for baby #2 and go for it. The hospital gowns are extremely uncomfortable, and I would rather just not think about everything that has already happened in them. I got a cute one on Amazon that is nice and soft, has buttons down the back, and buttons down the front to be able to undo and do skin-to-skin and nurse right away. This is the one I ordered.
Always Discreet Underwear ( I bring about 15)- Yup, you read that right. The hospital will have diapers for the baby, but make sure to bring some for you. They give you pads the size of a large towel and mesh underwear, but I constantly worried about leaking everywhere. With these I felt nice and secure. I still put a pad in them just for extra protection, but I didn’t have to worry about anything slipping around like I know I would have with the mesh underwear, and these were much more comfortable. I got the highest absorbency I could so that I could go without the pads if I wanted to. I even had a nurse comment what a good idea it was and I was surprised they hadn’t seen more women with them.
Flushable Wipes– These are just nice to keep in the bathroom to help keep things nice and clean down there. The peri bottle they give you will be a complete life saver (make sure you take it home!), but having something soft to use down there helps so much. Because any toilet paper will feel like sand paper.
Dermoplast– Best invention ever after having a baby! I had a second degree tear with SJ and the Dermoplast helped soothe the pain. And you literally just pushed a tiny human out, you’re going to be sore.
Tucks– These little cooling, round pads that you can stick right on top of your pad helps soothe the pain that comes after having a baby as well. And… sorry, but hemorrhoids will probably happen after you have the baby if you don’t already have them. For me, they didn’t happen until SJ was 6 weeks old, but I was so happy I already had these little round pieces of heaven.
Coconut Oil– With SJ I just brought regular nipple balm, thankfully because my nipples were cracked and bleeding by the next morning. But after I got home, I started just using coconut oil. It works amazing, I don’t have to worry about wiping it off before nursing again, and it’s cheaper! I put some in a little mason jar and threw it in my bag for this time.
Belly Bandit– I didn’t wear my Belly Bandit as much as I wish I would have the first time around, but I know this time I have diastasis recti (separation of your ab muscles) that is more severe than I ever had with SJ. I plan on trying to wear this as soon as I have her and get settled to start the healing process of not only my ab muscles, but to help my uterus go back down, and to help my pelvic floor muscles. I have become more passionate about learning of the effects diastasis recti has on women’s body, and it isn’t just the mama pooch, but it can affect your pelvic floor muscles as well which in turn can lead to incontinence and organ prolapse in extreme cases. It doesn’t have to be that way, though! Look into the benefits of belly wrapping and how to properly strengthen your tummy muscles after having a baby.
In my Toiletries Bag– This bag we always have packed, it sits in our bathroom closet with the travel sizes of everything, so it was very easy to just grab and throw it in the suitcase.
- Toothbrush/Toothpaste
- Shampoo/Conditioner
- Dry Shampoo
- Brush
- Hair Ties
- Body Wash
- Make-Up Wipes
- Chapstick (I actually moved this to my L&D bag)

DJ’s List

Jeans and a (nicer) T-shirt– We are having a photographer come for a fresh-48 session, so I wanted something a little bit more formal than sweatpants for DJ for that. He will also wear this home because he’s not one to wear sweatpants out.
Sweatpants and a T-shirt– DJ stays at the hospital with me, especially since we live an hour away. So we spend a lot of time just chilling in our room. Since SJ was born at night, we ended up having to stay 2 nights in the hospital, and he needed something comfy to sleep in and lounge in.
3 Pairs of Socks– because you have to have socks.
Sandals-because he usually goes to the cafeteria or to go get coffee in the morning and his boots and sweatpants aren’t a good look. Even though he would totally wear them.
In the Toiletries Bag– just like all my stuff, these are always in our toiletries bag in the closet
- Toothbrush
- Shampoo
- Soap
- Chapstick

AJ’s List

Name Swaddle & Hat– This is how we tell our family the baby’s name. The first time they meet the baby, she will be wrapped up in her blanket and have her little hat on that has her first and middle name on it. It’s kinda a big deal that I have even put her initials on the blog because we didn’t share anything about SJ’s name before she was born, but this time we have shared AJ’s initials, and her middle name (it’s Jacquelyn, like mine). We ordered this one from Aspen Lane and I cannot wait for it to get here!
Copper Pearl Swaddle and Hat– I also got her a cute matching swaddle and hat from Copper Pearl and it is so soft! I love it, but this is just an additional item for photos and completely optional.
2 Kimono Type Onesies- They have to check baby constantly, so having a onesie that can unbutton in the front is very important. I can also open it up to do skin to skin as well. I brought those little sleep sack things for SJ, and one they were WAY too big, and two they just didn’t work well for the nurses and doctors to check her. I got AJ this one in two colors from L’ovedbaby. I will probably only keep her in one, but with babies you should always have spare clothes.
Ollie Swaddle– We got no sleep when SJ was born because as soon as her little arm popped out of the blanket, she was crying. I originally was going to bring a SwaddleMe swaddle, but then my mom got AJ the Ollie Swaddle for Christmas and it is super soft and the bottom unties for easy diaper changes.
Lulla Doll– I’m just hoping this will help her sleep at night as well as help get her nights and days straightened out sooner. We didn’t get this for SJ until she was about 9 months old and I hadn’t slept for 6 months, I am definitely not making that mistake again. Also, the great thing about this doll is that it has velcro straps, so it doesn’t have to be right in the bed with them.
Boppy- Or some type of nursing pillow.
Burp Rag or 2– Nursing can get messy; spit up, dribbles, when the baby unlatches during a letdown and gets a milk bath, etc. It’s just a good idea to always have a few of these on hand for the next year or so.
Pacifiers– Shhh, don’t tell my lactation consultant! I mentioned earlier that by the morning after SJ was born, my nipples were cracked and bleeding. I brought the pacifiers just in case and wasn’t planning on using them since the more I can get her to latch, the faster my milk will come in and help my supply. But, the pain was excruciating and I needed something to soothe her. This time I want to try to not use them, but if I find myself in the same painful situation, I need something to get her off my boob and still keep her happy.
Muslin Swaddle for the Dogs– If you have pets, it’s a good idea to get the baby’s scent on a blanket and have someone bring it to the dogs before you come home. I plan on bringing two muslin swaddles and having one of our parents that will be staying with SJ and the dogs, bring it home for them to lay with.
Going Home Outfit– With SJ, I had a cute pair of shorts and a onesie that said “Hello World” on it, but we ended up having to put her in a pair of pants that I luckily brought as well because it was unusually cold for a July day. I kept it simple for AJ and just got this super cute thermal sleeper from L’ovedbaby since I know it will probably be a bit colder out.
Felt Letter Board– I’m bringing this simply for announcement photos

Last Minute List

Camera– This is on here because I’m a photographer and even though we have hired a photographer, I want to catch those in-between moments when she isn’t there. I completely failed when we had SJ and didn’t even take my camera out, and now I have hardly any photos. Not making that mistake again, which is also why it was so important to me to hire a photographer this time.
Snacks– Majority of places you can’t eat during labor, but you want to have snacks in the room after baby is born for you and your significant other. Breastfeeding will make you want to eat everything! And hospital food isn’t all that great.
iPad, SD reader, and Headphones– The beginning of labor might not be super intense, so it’s nice to have something to play, read, or watch movies on. And after baby is born, I want to be able to upload and edit my photos when we have some downtime, which is why I am bringing my SD card reader for my iPad. I also have these wireless headphones that I got pretty cheap on Amazon to use (possibly) while in labor to help me to relax, or if DJ wants to watch a movie at some point during the stay.
Phone & Phone Charger
Make-Up and Moisturizer- This is a personal preference, since we are having a Fresh 48 session, I want to be able to throw a little bit of make-up on. Also, pregnancy and postpartum hormones wreak havoc on my skin, so I have to bring my BeautyCounter moisturizer.
Blanket– It’s really nice to have something comforting from home like your favorite blanket, I plan on bringing my incredibly soft Matilda Jane Blanket.

Did I miss anything? What is something that you wish you would have brought to the hospital or are so glad you did?

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