Do you ever feel like people are judging your relationship? This is something that frustrates me constantly, and has caused me a lot of tears and stress. But something that needs to be asked before the tears start flowing is, do you ever judge someone else’s relationship?
I was getting upset because I felt like DJ and I’s relationship was constantly being judged. That people thought I wasn’t good enough for him. I was even told so. It hurt and made me constantly think about how he and I looked to everyone around us. DJ and I are 8 years apart, I was 18 and he was 26 when we started dating. That alone made people judge us, and even more so with the fact that we are completely different. I’m more outgoing and wear my heart on my sleeve, while he is quiet and keeps to himself. But here’s the thing, we are not always that way in private. Most people would not believe how utterly goofy DJ can be at home, how even though he doesn’t like PDA he will definitely kiss me any chance he gets at home. They aren’t there to see how well we handle disagreements, or just how we do everything in general at home. As I was thinking about all of this in a defensive manner, it made me stop and think, how often have I judged other’s relationships?
Do you ever judge someone else’s relationship? I know I have. More than I would like to admit. I have to remind myself of the exact same things I think of defensively as if I was in their shoes. Just as people don’t know the details of DJ and I’s relationship, I don’t know theirs. Everyone has a different dynamic within their relationship that works for them, and I can’t judge just because it’s different than what works for us.
This fear of judgement comes from my own insecurities. I’ve mentioned before how I’m not proud of the person I was just even a couple years ago. This…shame, I hold for the person I was has put into my own head that I don’t deserve DJ. I had to get past this, I had to start not caring what other people thought. The only person whose opinions matter is DJ’s. He knows me better than anyone, and loves me despite my faults. He accepts me as I am but is my encouragement to be better. To get past this fear of being judged, I decided to focus on my marriage. Let people judge me, judge us, as long as we have a solid relationship, it doesn’t matter what other people think they know about is. What matters is we know we are stronger together.